So, buckle up folks ‘cause it’s a bumpy ride for Tesla this quarter. I mean, yeesh, they really dropped the ball, didn’t they? Just when you think they’ve hit the peak of Chaos Mountain, they go and nosedive the other side—with brass bells on. It’s like watching a train wreck, and you just can’t look away. Meanwhile, Elon’s hobnobbing with Trump—wearing a hat that screams “Trump Was Right About Everything!” Can you imagine the WTF expressions in that room at the White House? Comedy gold.
Alright, so here’s the nitty-gritty dirt. Tesla’s earnings? Oh boy, big miss. I’m talking about the kind of miss that’s like swiping right by accident on a frog not a prince. Earnings per share set for the stars at 39 cents and landed with a splat at 27. They raked in $19.34 billion in revenue versus a hopeful $21.11 billion. It’s kind of like asking for a pony and getting a goldfish instead—definitely not what Santa promised.
Revenue took a nosedive too—down by 20% from last year. Tesla’s blaming it on crazy costs and fancy factory upgrades to refresh the Model Y. But honestly, it’s kind of hard to refresh when half the world’s holding sweaty protest signs and waving them at your face. Musk, the perennial showman, seems unbothered, waltzing around with all this going down. You gotta hand it to him for confidence. Or is it delusion? Your call.
Oh, and net income—yikes—that toppled 71%! From a sweet $1.39 billion to a not-so-sweet $409 million. And to top it all, Elon’s been sticking his nose into political espresso shots, brewing up crazy ideas with Trump’s people about shrinking the federal government. While cars aren’t being made, tariffs are going up—because why the heck not make things even more spicy, right?
Tesla’s stock? Faceplant. 41% down slump town vibes, the worst fall since that lovely year of 2022. Just a Li’l drop in the ever-expanding ocean of Musk-led eccentricities. The company’s whispering sweet nothings and hinting they might adjust their ‘2025’ outlook later this year. Investors? Probably biting their nails, waiting for the next roller coaster loop-de-loop.
In its mansplained, buzzwordy presentation for investors, Tesla’s basically hand-waving saying, “Oh hey, guys, the world’s a crazy place, policies are whack, and prices are going cuckoo!” They can see uncertainty shooting up like a teenager on caffeine. Apparently, Tesla’s keeping an eye on the political Tea Party brewing, ready for it to spill and mess with demand. Classic.
To top it off, the company’s burying its head in the pillow of AI, hoping it’ll conjure magic money bags for declining margins. Meanwhile, the robotaxi space bees are buzzing, but Waymo is busy sipping their honey, leaving Tesla still crawling in Austin for its big debut—a bit behind the cool kids.
Tesla’s lovable humanoid robots are apparently coming soon, but then again, I say the same thing every time I promise to start jogging. Operating income fell through the floor, and the safety net that rescued everything is those sweet, sweet environmental credits. Greenwashing? More like ‘Thank you, credits’ washing!
The energy sector’s the only juicy fruit in this basket—up 67%. But trouble! More tariffs could flip the boat on supply chains. So, buddies, stuff is hitting the fan, make yourself comfortable and grab a popcorn. Let’s watch Tesla wrestle its way outta this mess, shall we?
