Sure, here’s a rewritten version of the article with the requested style:
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So, Thursday. Ah, Trump, always the star of his own show, huh? Thought he’d be headline news with a shiny new trade deal—the kind you announce with a bang, like, “Hey, I’m saving the economy!” This deal was with the UK, by the way. But nope, the universe had different plans. Over in Rome, there’s some drama unfolding that even Trump couldn’t out-stage. I mean, talk about timing.
You ever wonder if Trump is there, pondering how to steal that white-smoke ceremony? I bet he’s thinking it would be perfect for announcing a third presidential term in 2028. Seriously. Meanwhile, some new dude in America is getting more attention, just like that—poof—and Trump’s probably pulling his hair out. Attention is his game, after all.
And Starmer? Oh, he’s probably toasting to this chaos. The guy was down last week—like, really down—thanks to Farage and his crew. Suddenly, the tables have turned. Deals with both the US and India, plus a Bank of England gift with a nice rate cut? He should be buying lottery tickets or something.
Just getting those deals… It’s kind of a big deal, right? The Conservatives are whining, which is kind of hilarious. Because, let’s face it, if it were their win, they’d be screaming “Golden Age!” from the rooftops. Brexit was supposed to deliver this stuff, but nah, they missed that train.
Anyway, Trump’s in a bit of a pickle with his tariffs. Prices up, economy sluggish—it’s like every economist’s nightmare. He’s jumping at anything that resembles a breakthrough. Paul Ashworth, one economist guy, noted that Trump’s in a rush to demonstrate progress. It’s like when your phone’s about to die and you’re desperately searching for a charger.
So, Trump caves to Starmer. Guess who’s winning here? Britain gets a good chunk—lower duties on fancy cars like Range Rovers and Aston Martins, and poof, cheaper steel. Trump? His wishlist is mostly still just that—a wishlist. The UK has their cake now, US gets crumbs. Funny, right?
Starmer, clever as he is, didn’t budge on food imports. No chlorinated chicken flooding UK supermarkets. Can you imagine the chaos? Plus, no messing up EU trade. That’s a delicate dance right there.
This whole week kind of feels like a Starmer showcase. Slow, steady progress—not the grand tales Boris Johnson promised with Brexit, but hey, progress is progress. Nick Thomas-Symonds labels it “ruthless pragmatism.” Catchy, right?
But, let’s not get too starry-eyed here. Ashworth’s client advice hints that this deal isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Bit rushed, a bit flimsy. Trump’s stats probably need a fact check, and David Henig—a trade expert—kind of agrees. UK gains are tiny in the grand Brexit scheme of things.
Oh, and Trump? Guy’s reputation for sticking to agreements? Not great. He loves renegotiation—it’s like his second favorite sport. If Starmer’s happy, Trump sees it as a loss. Classic, huh? UK’s best bet might be Trump getting distracted with other countries.
Major US universities learned this the hard way. Trump goes after their funding, demanding control over what they teach. Columbia tried to reason with him, silently hoping it’d go away. Spoiler: it didn’t work. Meanwhile, Harvard just straight-up sued. Suddenly, 150 other schools joined the fray, and Trump had to backtrack. There’s power in numbers, it seems.
So, with trade—maybe UK needs that same strategy. Less “every man for himself” and more alliance-building. Team up with Canada, Australia, the EU—anyone else fed up with Trump’s trade tantrums. It’s the Harvard approach: say no together.
Starmer’s got a duty to shield Britain from all this. Thursday was a step. But really, the big shield requires global teamwork. Maybe an anointed American leader would think that’s a good plan too. Who knows?
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