Let’s take a moment to quiz yourselves, married couples. Do you truly know what your partner earns? How about their 401(k) balance or their credit card situation? How confident are you about how much your partner believes you need to maintain comfort in retirement, or the age they wish to retire?
Now, if you’re like most people in committed relationships, you’re probably feeling pretty confident about acing these questions. Nearly 90% of couples boast about good communication regarding finances, and 94% claim they’re open and honest about money matters, according to research released by financial firms Fidelity and Ameriprise last year.
But the truth? It seems to be a different story.
The Fidelity study highlighted that over a third of couples couldn’t guess their partner’s salary within $25,000. More than half had different views on how much they needed for retirement. The disconnect extends to issues like debt, net worth, savings, and broader lifestyle ambitions, showing that couples aren’t always on the same page.
Then there’s secrecy. A 2025 survey by Bankrate revealed about 40% of married couples keep some financial secrets. Topping this list are undesired expenses, hidden debts, and undisclosed credit cards or savings accounts.
Ramit Sethi, who authored “Money for Couples” and hosts a podcast of the same nature, shares, “Close to 50% of the couples I encounter don’t know their combined income, and a staggering 90% are unaware of their total debt. However, beyond mere numbers, many overlook the important conversation about what a fulfilling life looks like for them and their hopes of what money can achieve together.”
Miscommunication about finances can obstruct long-term goals such as retirement planning, home buying, or funding a child’s education. Without clear direction, it’s hard to reach your financial goals.
Douglas Boneparth, a financial advisor from New York, notes that misunderstandings about available resources often lead to less than optimal financial choices, as partners’ behavior may not match their financial goals. This lack of alignment can create stress in the relationship, leading to anxiety, blame, and even resentment.
This potential strain underscores how vital money talk is for matrimonial bliss. Couples who sidestep financial chats and decision-making tend to feel less satisfied in their relationships. A 2021 study by the National Endowment for Financial Education discovered that monetary secrets led to arguments for 42% and reduced trust for about a third of these couples.
The aftermath of financial ignorance becomes painfully clear if couples separate or a partner faces bereavement. According to a UBS survey, 75% of widows and divorcées encounter unpleasant financial surprises, like hidden debts.
“When mourning a loved one, financial concerns complicate an already difficult time, especially if you lacked a clear understanding of your partner’s money management,” warns Aja Evans, a financial therapist and author of “Feel-Good Finance.”
So, if keeping quiet about money proves so detrimental, why do partners shroud each other in financial mystery?
A significant factor is how couples handle finances. The Fidelity survey found nearly half don’t make financial decisions together. Also, often one partner takes over as the CFO, leading to financial disconnects.
Ryan Viktorin, a vice president at Fidelity Investor Center, explains, “The divide is often due to a division of labor, not deliberate concealment. One might relish tracking investments, leaving the other startled by the spreadsheets.”
Research in the Journal of the Association for Consumer Research suggests that the more financially confident partner usually steers decisions. “Perception doesn’t always match reality,” notes Scott Rick of the University of Michigan. “Partners’ financial literacy is closer than they perceive it to be.”
Many prefer to avoid money discussions to maintain peace. More than 60% admit fear of judgment motivates financial secrecy, indicating past experiences often color current conversations.
Ramit Sethi points out, “In money dialogues with partners, unresolved issues from past engagements often speak louder.”
To address this, financial advisors suggest regular ‘money dates’ to discuss finances, emphasizing goal-setting rather than immediate details. “Initiate these talks by focusing on aspirations,” urges Sethi, “so you leave the table feeling positive about discussing finances.”
Research indicates joint engagement in financial decisions fosters openness, significantly boosting relationship satisfaction.
It’s also crucial that both partners understand the basics, such as account details and overall financial health. Using joint accounts encourages transparency and teamwork, reducing the chances of hidden transactions.
Money management apps can facilitate this transparency by sharing spending insights. Suggestions include Honeydue, Monarch Money, and Copilot.
However, complete disclosure isn’t always necessary. Rick advocates for individual no-questions-asked accounts to preserve personal autonomy and reduce judgmental tensions.
“Approaching financial conversations without finger-pointing is essential,” emphasizes Evans. “Express what impacts you personally instead.”
Ultimately, the goal isn’t about being right but fostering a shared, financially savvy partnership.
