Sure thing! Here’s a more humanized version of the article for you:
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Markets acting skittish? Yeah, tell me about it. Between wobbly trade policies and whatever geopolitical whirlwind is blowing through this week, I’m just trying to keep my head straight. So, here comes Wolfe Research — they have this idea, and honestly, I kinda dig it. They’re peeping at companies that are hoarding their own stock like it’s a Black Friday sale every day. Why? To ride out the chaos, I guess. They have this thing called a “consistent buyback basket.” Sounds fancy, right? Basically, it’s just a bunch of companies that have been buying back their stock for like, ever. At least a decade. Chris Senyek over at Wolfe, the big brain behind this, thinks these stocks are like comfort food during economic hiccups.
Oh, and Friday? Yeah, that was a mess. Oil prices spiked ’cause Iran and Israel decided to have a tiff, and poof — stocks tanked. Was hoping for three weeks of gains but hey, life keeps you on your toes. Everyone’s crossing fingers about the U.S. and China locking down some deals. So, who’s on this magical list of stocks? Apple, for starters.
Apple’s stock took a nosedive by about 22% in 2025. Ouch. But they’re staying busy with this AI thing — like, redoing Siri and all. Meanwhile, they’ve got this $100 billion buyback thing going. Heard that Apple’s buyback ratio to market cap was 3.3% — thank you, Wolfe, for the numbers. Fun fact? Around 62% of the brainiacs at FactSet think you should buy Apple stock. They see a 16% bump potentially.
Then there’s JPMorgan Chase. The stock’s been up 11% this year alone. Jamie Dimon over there had a whole moment about buybacks last year — was super hesitant. Thought the stock was overpriced, but apparently, cash was just burning a hole in their pockets. So, more buybacks it is! Their buyback to market cap ratio is showing up at 4% now. And, per FactSet, about 56% of analysts are giving JPMorgan the thumbs up, thinking we might see a modest 3% gain.
Alright, enough numbers. My head’s spinning just thinking about it all. But, hey, if you’re looking for a safe harbor in this stormy sea of stocks, maybe this buyback gang is your lighthouse.
